


Subconscious Feelings

by Fandom746



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Bits of fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Malec, Non Canon events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 04:29:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19077517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom746/pseuds/Fandom746
Summary: "Magnus my son, are you alright? Get up, boy." The words echoed in his ringing ears, as Magnus peeled his eyes open and struggled to get up. Cat eyes swam in his vision, making him dizzy just by looking at its gleam. Finally, the face of the person in front of him came into focus, and Magnus felt himself stiffen in the person's grip."Asmodeus."





	Subconscious Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I began thinking of what might have happened if Magnus had lost his memories of Alec, but I knew it couldnt have been because Jem removed them.
> 
> So then i got plotting and decided on what has come out as this fanfic. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, the story is a little convoluted and doesnt follow the exact storyline or events that occur in the tv show.

"Magnus my son, are you alright? Get up, boy." The words echoed in his ringing ears, as Magnus peeled his eyes open and struggled to get up. Cat eyes swam in his vision, making him dizzy just by looking at its gleam. Finally, the face of the person in front of him came into focus, and Magnus felt himself stiffen in the person's grip.  
  
"Asmodeus." He muttered, anger and slight panic rising in him. "What are you doing here? You are supposed to be stuck in Edom. Which idiot let you out?"  
  
"Relax Magnus. I'm just here because i missed you."  
  
"Well i didnt. Now get lost from here."  
  
"Magnus..." Asmodeus called out in a low tone, but stopped when Magnus held his hand up, fingers sparking with his magic. The sight of the blue tendrils swirling around struck him hard, like a punch through the gut, but that made no sense to Magnus.

 _Why was the sight of his own magic filling him with so much uncharacteristic joy and relief?_  
  
He pushed the thought aside, and spoke sharply "Save it for someone who cares, _father_." He spat out venomously before casting a portal and pushing Asmodeus through it.  
  
Then, he made a portal for himself, once again staring at it with an awestruck mesmerised expression, like he used to when he had been young and learning to control his magic. Walking through it, he landed back in his Brooklyn loft, and there was a moment of confusion as he stared at the bare walls. Something felt off...... as if something had been removed from them recently, like a slate wiped clean. He had a brief illusion of the very same walls filled with.... _something_..... but it vapourised almost immediately.  
  
Shaking his head, he summoned a drink, and settled down on the couch, happily nursing his margarita, when there was frantic knocking on the door, as if someone wanted to break it down. It was followed by an assault on the doorbell and the ringing echoed through the house, harmonising with the knocking.  
  
Sighing angrily, Magnus got up and pulled the door open, taking in the petite woman standing in front of him, clad in black, swirling runes covering her skin. A shadowhunter.  
  
He was about to smirk and comment upon the fact that a shadowhunter had come crawling to him for help, when he noticed that she was crying, and his words froze in his mouth. Something about those tears struck him all of a sudden, like they were just plain _wrong_ , and he had to stop her tears, but that feeling disappeared quickly, and he could almost pretend like he had never felt it. After all he had to keep up his image as the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not a shadowhunter's pet.  
  
"Magnus. Mags please help me. Its Alec. Please please help." The girl sobbed, and clutched his sleeve desperately.  
  
The name felt familiar to Magnus, as if a name he once knew but had allowed to fade away in his centuries old mind. But he had other ideas, and thus pushed that feeling away.  
  
"And this name is supposed to be important to me? Go away shadowhunter. I dont do charity, and you, darling, can't afford me, not even if you set up a lemonade stand and spiked it with drugs." Magnus looked pointedly at her grasp on his sleeve, but the girl refused to let go.  
  
The girl's mouth hung open in shock. They just stared at each other for a few seconds, until the girl pulled herself together and spoke. "You dont remember Alec? But.... Mags, do you remember me?"  
  
"Why would i remember each and every doubtless repellant shadowhunter brat?"  
  
"But...oh by the angel. Magnus, I am Isabelle Lightwood. My brother is injured, by a Greater Demon, one under the hold of Asmodeus we believe. He is Head of the Institute and will be able to pay for your services. I will give you anything, Please, just help. He might die! I can't lose him...."  
  
The woman, Isabelle, leant forward desperately again, and a pendant swung forward from beneath her jacket. Magnus's eyes zeroed in on it immediately. His eyes narrowed. "I will help your brother, but i need that pendant as payment. It originally belongs to me anyway."  
  
"Yes of course." Isabelle muttered and then clutched Magnus's forearm. "He's at the Institute. We should go."  
  
Magnus nodded, and with a swing of his arm, a portal appeared to take them to the Institute. Who said there was no efficient transportation system in New York?

  
***

  
At the Institute, Isabelle led the way over to a figure thrashing around in the room linked to the Head office, Magnus following warily, his surroundings looking too familiar for comfort. _But why was the Shadowhunter Institute familiar to him?_  
  
Magnus stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the figure on the bed. Black hair, blue eyes, toned body....currently gleaming with sweat, and.....a gaping demon wound, oozing black ichor from the sides.  
  
Magnus ran towards the bed, heart thumping wildly, though it was for no particular reason he could make out. He quickly commanded everyone to leave the room, and surprisingly, they all obeyed him immediately.  
  
Magnus swung his arms, pushing his magic into the wound, obliterating the poison and healing the tissue. He poured his magic through the wound, probably more than was necessary, until all that remained was a small scar. He saw that the man, Alec, based on what Isabelle had told him, was stirring slowly, and for some uncomprehensible reason, Magnus felt that he should leave before Alec regained consciousness.  
  
Magnus turned around and was about to leave the room when a photo stuck on the wardrobe caught his attention. On closer inspection he realised that it wasnt just a photo but a bunch of photos, like a collage. A collage where each and every photo had him in it.  
  
Magnus saw himself holding hands with the shadowhunter, saw them sitting together on a loveseat, staring at each other with literal heart eyes that someone had managed to capture in the photograph. He saw them kissing under mistletoe, and again under a tree. The largest one however, was a picture of the both of them in a hot air balloon, floating above the skyline of Paris, as the Eiffel Tower loomed impressively in the distance.  
  
Shocked, Magnus looked back and forth between the pictures and the man lying in bed. Finally, he seemed to regain his senses, and created a copy of the photos, for future research and investigation, before stalking out of the room.  
  
"He will be fine. Now, i believe in payment for services rendered?" Magnus asked Isabelle who stared at him for a heartbeat, before replying. "Yes, thank you so much Magnus. Thank you for saving Alec. Here." She unclasped the pendant and held it out for Magnus, who took it wordlessly and portalled away, unable to shake the pictures from his mind.

  
***

  
  
Back in the loft, Magnus paced restlessly, and finally decided to send a fire message to his best friend Ragnor Fell. The day's events was messing with his mind.  
  
He sent multiple messages, even called Ragnor's phone, but there was no reply. Now feeling worried, Magnus called up Catarina.  
  
"Hey Cat..." he began, but was interrupted immediately.  
  
" Magnus! I was so worried! I heard what happened with Alec, and im so sorry. I had really hoped he would be different. How are you?"  
  
"What do you mean....of course im fine. But i have no idea what you are talking about. I just healed Alec, he's fine, but why are you sorry about that?.... what is happening Cat? And Ragnor isnt picking up his calls!"  
  
There was a long pause on the other end, and then Catarina's voice came shaky and soft. "Mags, Ragnor is dead.....you saw it yourself and told me. He was killed by that demon Valentine sent..."  
  
"What?" Magnus exclaimed, the world spinning around him and flashes of Ragnor on the floor bursting in front of him, bleeding and broken. "Cat that cant be true. I would remember it. And what do you mean Valentine? He died years ago, and Ragnor was alive after that! He was! He is! _He can't be dead!"_  
  
"Magnus I'm portalling in. Open the wards." Catarina commanded, and shellshocked, Magnus obeyed.  
  
"Okay, out with it. What is happening to me Cat?" He demanded as soon as Cat arrived.  
  
"I dont know Magnus. You seem to have lost some memories, or suppressed them or something. I need to see. Hold still."  
  
She cast a spell on Magnus's mind, going back a few days to the day Alec broke up with Magnus. But what she found was just a blank screen. She quickly rifled through the memories, but all memories about Alec Lightwood, about Valentine, the rising Circle, everything related to shadowhunters had disappeared.  
  
"Just as i suspected. Someone has taken your memories Magnus."  
  
"But who? And why would they?"  
  
"Magnus think, who did you meet recently? I saw your memories. Asmodeus is the oldest clear memory you have, and everything before that, going up to 6 months is filled with white patches."  
  
"Asmodeus did this to me? Why am i not surprised?" Magnus rolled his eyes, trying to keep calm and face the fact that he had lost 6 months of his life.  
  
"So tell me what I've missed Cat." He urged and within the next hour Cat had quickly recapped all the events that Magnus had forgotten. As she spoke, a feeling of familiarity rose up in Magnus, like a long forgotten melody of a song, where the music was well known, and the lyrics a mass of jumbled words.  
  
"So that means, Alec Lightwood, the man i healed today, he is.....was ....my _boyfriend_?" Magnus whirled around and paced the room frantically. Suddenly he came to a stop in front of Catarina again. "There was something on my walls wasn't there? I feel like they're missing something. "  
  
"Yes." Catarina replied and moved her arms slightly, and a faint sheen of purple covered the walls, bringing with them pictures, dozens of them. Magnus walked along them, trailing his fingers along the pictures, and recognising them based on what Catarina had told him. He noticed a copy of the collage he had seen in Alec Lightwood's room, and many more pictures, recounting dozens of memories with the Shadowhunter.  
  
Slowly but surely, smaller visions came to him, until he realised that he could remember things clearly again. His memories were back, all of them, including the part where he had lost his magic.  
  
"So, Asmodeus gave me my magic back? And took my memories. And at the same time, Alec broke up with me? Why?" Magnus mused out loud and turned around to see Catarina guiltily looking away from him, shifting from one foot to another, fingers fidgeting at the hem of her t shirt.  
  
_"What is it? What aren't you telling me?"_  
  
"Uh...i ran into Asmodeus yesterday, he was talking to Lorenzo, threatening him to give up the High Warlock title and return it to you. And when Lorenzo refused, Asmodeus said....he said, 'I got what i needed even from a Shadowhunter, by merely suggesting a deal - Magnus's magic in return for their breakup. And he agreed. I will get what i want from you too Lorenzo. You can choose a simple deal as well, or, you can chose to go the hard way, and i promise you will not be able to recover from what i will do. You have till tomorrow night to decide.' And then he walked out of the Hunter's Moon."  
  
"Oh.....oh no....i need to talk to Alec." Magnus muttered. "But before that, Cat help me, and let's send Asmodeus back to Edom. I know the incantation, i just need your power. My father has walked on Earth for long enough, its time he returned to where he belongs."  
  
"Yes! This will be fun. I take pleasure in doing this after all that he did to you Magnus, not just now, but also in your childhood. I have been waiting to punch him in the face for a very, _very_ long time." Catarina replied, a gleam in her eyes.

  
Magnus began a chant, dancing around a pentagram, and smoke began to coalesce inside the pentagram, taking the shape of Asmodeus.  
  
"Hello, son. Nice to see you again. Come on, lets go back to Edom and you shall help me secure my throne from Lilith. Its your time to serve in hell, boy."  
  
Magnus merely glared at Asmodeus. "So is that why you took my memories? Why you made Alec break up with me? _For power?_ "  
  
"Of course. I need you, Magnus. I need your magic, your tenacity, your strength. I need them to overthrow the chains binding me to Edom and to Lilith. I need them to break free, and to expand my kingdom."  
  
At that Catarina threw a blazing fireball at Asmodeus's face, leaving him singed and burnt.  
  
Asmodeus started laughing. "Oh, this one is fiery. I told you that you could do much better than that boy you used to follow around. Besides, you should have seen that pathetic shadowhunter's face when i told him about the deal. Such raw pain i have never seen in centuries, it would be enough to power me for a year."  
  
That sent a massive wave of blazing fury through Magnus. He felt that he was riding purely on the tide of anger as he snapped at Asmodeus. "Keep dreaming. I will never join you. And you will never bother us again. Begone." And he chanted loudly, coupling it with a few alterations so that the spell would be doubly powerful, drawing upon the power of Edom, and trapping Asmodeus in it. As long as Edom survived, Asmodeus would be trapped there. He barely required Catarina's help, so enraged was he, and his magic surged in alarming spikes until he realised that the task was done - that Asmodeus, King of Edom, Prince of Hell, was sent back, banished from Earth, never to return again.  
  
Catarina bade goodbye immediately and portalled out, rushing towards an emergency in the hospital, as Magnus moved to the centre of the loft.  
  
_Alec, i need to see Alec...._ was the only thought in Magnus's mind, and he was ready to make a portal when the doorbell rang.

  
***

  
Annoyed at whoever had interrupted his portal, Magnus snapped his fingers and the door flung open, revealing Alec Lightwood standing at the threshhold.  
  
"Mr.Bane. I am Alec Lightwood. I just wanted to thank you for saving my life again today. I heard from Izzy.....Uh...Isabelle, my sister, that you didnt remember us. So, i came to introduce myself, since the Institute has always been on good terms with the warlocks of the area, and i wouldnt like to break the trend now."  
  
Alec told the whole speech while avoiding looking at Magnus. He stood rigidly, the stance of a soldier ready to accept punishment. His eyes bore the telltale signs that he had been crying, and his broken monotone all throughout the speech told Magnus all he had to know. Alec was heartbroken, but was trying desperately to be strong, to be professional, and to mask his emotions. And seeing that, Magnus felt his own heart crack, and tears slid down his cheeks.  
  
A small sob from Magnus made Alec look at him, and he froze, a look of horror on his face. " I....I'm so sorry Mr.Bane, for bothering you. I.... i will leave." Alec said softly and turned away as if to walk out.  
  
That small movement released Magnus from his frozen state, and he found himself calling out suddenly. " _Alexander_."

  
He saw Alec freeze, and slowly turn back towards him. No wonder he looked shocked - no one had introduced him to Magnus as Alexander, they had all always said Alec.... _then how did Magnus know...?_  
  
"Alexander...." Magnus said again, "It's _me_. I know what happened. Cat helped me get my memories back. And Asmodeus confessed. I.... i know it all....all of our past, my magic being lost and found... your deal..."  
  
At that Alec ran back towards Magnus, stopping just in front of him. "Magnus.... im so sorry...for everything...i never meant to hurt you, i just had no choice. I couldnt see you suffering without your magic, and i knew i had to do everything possible to get it back, even if it meant that i had to break up with you and that you would lose all memories of me....i get it if you hate me now, and if you want me to go....just say the word...and I'll leave."  
  
Magnus stared up at the blue eyes, now filled with tears, and recognised pain, anguish, sadness...and somewhere beneath them all, glimmering softly as though it were being suppressed, was hope.  
  
Magnus smiled softly, then moved to grasp Alec's arm, slowly trailing his fingers along it till he could intertwine his fingers with Alec's. It was something they would do to provide comfort and support, to say ' _dont worry, i got you and i wont let go._ '  
  
"You stupid nephilim. I love you. I know why you broke my heart, and i forgive you, because you did it for me. Losing my memories of you....it was painful. I kept feeling something was missing, on my wall, in my loft, _in my heart_...... Alexander Gideon Lightwood, i never want you to leave me. Never again. Never ever. "  
  
The tears finally escaped Alec's eyes as Magnus brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles lightly before finally tugging him closer. "Just..... dont ever make a deal with my father behind my back. It should be my choice as well, dont take that away from me."  
  
"I wont. Never again. I promise.....I love you too, Magnus" Alec muttered, before his lips were captured by Magnus's and all thoughts fled from his mind as he focused on simply feeling the joy, and the warmth surrounding him. Feel the love and the hope for a beautiful future.  
  
Things were going to be much better now, and Magnus was glad that his subconscious feelings had caused him to contact Catarina. Now he had reclaimed the feeling of love for the blue eyed shadowhunter that managed to overcome even a heartbreak and the loss of memory.

A love that was eternal and bright as a flame, burning on till the end of time.

  
  
***

  
A few hours later, Alec and Magnus had wound up on the couch, Magnus sitting in Alec's lap with Alec's hands on his waist, balancing him and keeping him as close as possible. Alec suddenly cleared his throat, bringing Magnus out of his contemplation about how pretty Alec's deflect rune looked in the sliver of moonlight peeking through the curtains.  
  
"Magnus, i know its a bit sudden, but i wanted to do this from a long time...before the deal and stuff..." Alec paused for a heartbeat, staring at the man in his lap.

 _"Magnus Bane, will you marry me?"_  
  
Magnus stared back at Alec, and then suddenly flung himself at him, arms wrapping around his neck as he leaned in to whisper directly in Alec's ear. " _Yes, Alexander, yes. Lets get married."_  
  
***

**Author's Note:**

> So.... hope you liked it. Feel free to leave kudos and comments.
> 
> And in case anyone didnt get it, the deal with Asmodeus has the condition that Alec had to break up with Magnus, and the Asmodeus would take all of Magnus's memories that involved Alec. And of course our loving, selfless shadowhunter agreed, in hopes that atleast without the memories and with magic, Magnus would be able to live happily, maybe even find love again. Hence the formal greeting when Alec comes over to meet Magnus. :)
> 
> Also I'm open to accepting prompts, if anyone is interested


End file.
